Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Confucius Say...

No…this is not a reference to my Google chat status from yesterday. Rather, this is the lead-in to another part in a series that hasn’t run in a while.

Sarah did a fantastic job a couple posts ago covering “Things that are Underrated,” and with Canada Day now in the rear view, we’re going to continue with the international flavor. So, without further ado, I give you the next installment of...

Useless, Nebulous Statements from Fortune Cookies

“An unexpected event will soon bring you fortune.” Here’s hoping. Here’s also hoping that fortune is good, as nowhere in this statement is that guaranteed. We’ve all had runs of good and bad luck, but I think if we’re really honest with ourselves, (undoubtedly with a few exceptions) we create our own breaks. Opportunism worked for me in baseball (as a player and as a coach). Gotta keep refining use of it in other contexts.

“Any doubts you may have will disappear early this month.” I have lots of doubts. I doubt the veracity of the statements that come out of baked goods, for example. I doubt the Rangers are going to continue to pitch as well as they have and be in contention in the AL West at the end of the season. I doubt the market will come back to life in the near future. None of these will be disappearing early this month…or next month. You get the idea. Perhaps this is supposed to say “many” instead of “any.” That would be more true to the inexact, anti-absolute formula of most statements that come from fortune cookies, but that that, I would still say, “prooooooove iiiiiiiiiit.”

“Luck will be yours when you least expect it.” Much like the first item, I suppose this could be true, as it doesn’t specify what kind of luck or when it will strike. I could get hit by a car or attacked by a wild animal. If I’m really lucky, maybe I’ll get abducted by extraterrestrials…next Tuesday. Of course, there are also numerous possibilities of good fortune finding me sometime before the end of my life. I could win the lottery or meet the girl of my dreams. Somehow I doubt any of this will happen anytime in the foreseeable future, though. Hopefully that gets cleared up “early this month.”

One thing the Chinese people did get right was pyrotechnics. Everyone in the world, we love us some fireworks, so thanks to them, we have spectacular displays for major events. Of course, the one day that is synonymous with fireworks here in the US is coming up in a couple days. Doubtful I will be posting again before then, as it’s going to be weekend shenanigans starting tomorrow evening. Gotta love Thursday being the new Friday. Happy 4th to everyone! Party like rock stars, but be safe…my readership is abysmal as is…I can’t afford to lose any of you guys!




    Also, fireworks are my favorite.

    That is all.

  2. confucious say, "Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger"


  3. Confucius also say: Baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.

    DL say: Confucius is full of crap.

  4. "Man who fart in church sit in own pew."

  5. "Man who fight with wife during day get no piece at night."