Word of the Day - clarity

Merriam Webster OnLine defines it as:

'kler-ah-tee (noun)
the quality or state of being clear: lucidity

Well, since "the quality or state of being clear" is a sucky definition that leverages the root word to define the derivative, let's go with "lucidity"

lü-'si-dah-tee (noun)
1: clearness of thought or style (there's that damn "clear" word again)
2: : a presumed capacity to perceive the truth directly and instantaneously: clairvoyance

Well since I am definitely not clairvoyant, and I could pretty much give a rat's ass about "style," let's go with the "clearness of thought" definition.

Two words you don't see anywhere in that definition are "smoke" and "stars," but they both factored prominently into the hour I stood outside tonight trying to refocus. Romeo y Julietas are amazing and apparently lead to the kind of serene relaxation that drives contemplation. It seemed strangely apropos that I could stand out on my porch here in Ventura and see stars, and then some things started to make sense.

One of the major problems I have had in the last month plus is that I feel like I haven't stopped. I haven't been home for a weekend. Sometimes it was for factors beyond control, and to be fair, all the time it was with some of the most important people in my life. But the fact of the matter is, that I wasn't home. I was either in locations where I couldn't see the stars or didn't stop to look at them. Both of which are problems but raise a couple important points.

1. I think of this place as home. This is a credit to the laid back environment in both the city and the apartment. My roommate is roommates are baller. After the absolute debacle post-ARob, I have a place to live that is comfortable and a person (and dog) to share it with. Bonus points for the neighbors being cool.

2. I like seeing the stars. I grew up in a place where I couldn't, so I never really thought about it before, but tonight I decided I really like it.

3. Even when I was places I could see them, I didn't stop to do it. This is perhaps the most disconcerting part of the whole thing. Something as simple as taking a minute to myself was something that I let get buried and lost. For a guy fighting burnout, that's pretty stupid.

I love my family and friends, and I am happy to put them before myself. But in the process, I'm realizing that I've lost sight of myself in a way. Happiness is nebulous, fleeting and difficult to pin down without some sort of roadmap. How do you develop that roadmap without some sort of introspective lucidity to give you direction? I don't know how, but I do know that the first step is coming to this realization.

This is the realization I came to...at home...looking at the stars in silent lucidity.

The Verdict

1. East Ventura, roommate: Annette
2. Newbury Park, roommate: Brandon

Eliminated
4. Simi Valley, roommate: Janelle
5. Oxnard Shores, roommate: Terri
6. Newbury Park, roommates: Diane, Miko

Wildcard:
- Port Hueneme, roommate: Tim

After all that, it's right back to the place I saw last Friday before I hit the F Word. Should that fall apart for some reason, Brandon in Newbury Park is my contingency plan, so I'm not telling him no yet. Tim in Port Hueneme was solid, but it felt like a college apartment to me, and the room was entirely too small for all my crap.

Plus, none of them have Spuds. So there it is.

New Place Power Rankings

1. East Ventura, roommate: Annette
2. Newbury Park, roommate: Brandon

Eliminated
4. Simi Valley, roommate: Janelle
5. Oxnard Shores, roommate: Terri
6. Newbury Park, roommates: Diane, Miko

Wildcard:
- Port Hueneme, roommate: Tim

As it stands, the place I went and saw last Friday before the F word journey is the leader. It's the best combination of the pertinent factors: roommate, setup, location. I am a big Annette fan, and her dog is NOT Venus. He's mellow...and looks like Spuds MacKenzie. (More Spuds here, here and here.)

Brandon is a pretty mellow guy with a nice place that is right around the corner from work. The problem? It's right around the corner from work. There is NOTHING to do in this area. There's Borderline, and that's about it. I would have to decide if I'm willing to trek elsewhere to do stuff. Right now, the answer is no.

Omid is probably the best match of a roommate, as he is a drummer. (I think those of you who know me, know how this one works.) However, he is renting out another room to someone with whom I would be sharing a bathroom, which is not the case in the other two places. Additionally, the location has the same issue as Brandon's, but it's a possibility.

The next three in the rankings have been eliminated for various reasons but primarily bad parking situations (Janelle's) to dynamics that I just don't see myself fitting into (Terri's and Diane's). The parking thing is self explanatory, and the gist of the other two is that I would be the loud/obnoxious roommate. I'm not trying to throw ragers in the middle of the week or anything, but I would feel awkward sneezing. No bueno.

The wildcard round includes two places I have yet to see. The one in Port Hueneme is right on the freaking ocean, and I'd be living with a CSUCI student. He seems cool at the first glance, but I'll see when I meet him tonight. The other place is with two people, which I'm guessing, means I would be sharing a bathroom. I need to check with her, but if that's the case, there is probably no shot I even go out there to see it.

Anyway, there it is. I'll probably have a decision by tonight. It pretty much hinges on the requirements for this place in Pt. Hueneme. If it's a good fit, and I can move in April 1, it could be a done deal. Then comes the actual moving...which is the part that sucks.

ADDENDUM: Update from midday. Decided that I am eliminating shared bathroom options. Shared bath in Ventura place.

- Ventura, roommates: Lisa, Josh
3. Camarillo, roommates: Omid, Alfredo